I used to be much more outgoing about my faith. I talked to people about it. Most of the time they agreed with what I said, but they didn’t want to become practicing Christians. It often was about giving up partying, sex, drugs — all the fun stuff of the 80s that I didn’t do. But they agreed with me that being a Christian is a good thing: “I think it’s awesome that you are a Christian! It’s just not for me. I can’t live like that.”
These days I don’t sense this. Instead, whenever I express Christianity, I feel like I’m breaking the rules, doing something bad. I can’t pinpoint where this comes from, though I suspect it’s from authoritative voices at universities, school administrators, the media, and politicians supporting progressive causes.
It’s not that they directly attack Christianity. They rub against it with demands that are incompatible with it. According to them, we have an intellectual duty to believe only what science supports, a pluralistic duty to respect and admire all religions, a duty to provide health care for women in the form of abortions, and a duty to celebrate LGBTQ. These really chafe against evangelical Christianity.
I’m not complaining, by the way. I’m just expressing my own inner tension. I really don’t feel good doing anything! If I don’t live as a devoted Christian, go to church, get involved in outreach, then I feel guilty for not following Christ. If I do live a life for Christ, then I feel like I’m doing wrong by breaking the rules of tolerance, rationality, and inclusiveness. And if I reinterpret Christianity to be more progressive, then, again, I’m wrong for putting words into God’s mouth.
Rarely do I miss the 1980s, but when I feel like this, I do.
Believe or Doubt? 
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